Losing My Religion
By A.S.
Tucker
Genre: M/M Romance
Release Date: July 27, 2017
Jaden Barker is
a good boy.
For as long as
he can remember, he’s been preparing for the day he’ll be called as a
missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. He’s ready.
He’s more than willing. And he can’t wait to spend the next two years serving
the Lord and his church. But when a new proclamation from the church is
announced, it leaves him questioning everything.
Quinn Owens is
trouble with a capital T.
An aspiring
actor living in the bowels of Los Angeles, he’s fought long and hard to get
where he is, and he’s not willing to give it up for anything. Working for a
homophobic boss presents quite a challenge when you’re a gay man, but Quinn
knows losing this job means losing his dream.
Jaden is lost
and confused.
Quinn won’t let
anything stand in his way.
But when Jaden
finds himself living downstairs from the enticing Quinn, neither are prepared
for what happens next.
Will Jaden be
able to resist Quinn’s charms and remain a devoted Mormon missionary? Or will
he fall, finding himself face to face with losing his religion?
Prologue
Our living room
smells like a high school locker room. You know the smell I’m talking about.
That oniony stink teen boys get when it’s been too long since they’ve showered,
and they still haven’t quite discovered the magic of deodorant.
It’s a smell I’m
all-too familiar with, my high school career having only come to an end this
past year. It’s going to take a lot longer than ten months to wipe the horrors
I saw and smelled in the boys’ locker room out of my brain.
Even as I sit on
the barstool in the center of the room, visions of Roosevelt High come flashing
to my mind, and I half-expect to see Jeff come strolling through the door,
twisted wet towel in hand, just waiting for the perfect moment to snap it
against an unsuspecting victim’s bare ass.
Butt. I mean,
butt.
Cussing was
never allowed when I was growing up. But, now that this has arrived, I need to
be more diligent about watching my language.
Because cussing
will not be tolerated where I’m going.
I look down at
the white envelope in my hands, my fingers trembling ever-so slightly, as I
read over my name and address printed on the front.
Elder Jaden
Barker.
Has a nice ring
to it, don’t you think? Perfect missionary name. Exactly like my parents
envisioned.
Flipping the
envelope over, I gently finger the flap, watching the pristine paper slide
against my skin. How ironic would it be if the one thing that’s supposed to be
the biggest blessing in my life thus far sliced through my flesh, red drops of
blood seeping through my pores and marring the lily-white paper beneath?
Wouldn’t be the
first time the church cut you, a familiar voice in the back of my mind utters.
Yes, but they’ve
always been there to stitch you back up. You just need to have faith, his
ever-present counterpart retorts.
I know what you’re
thinking. This dude is crazy. I’m not. I don’t actually hear voices. They’re
only little versions of my subconscious—punks who like to rear up and cause
problems in my life at the most inopportune times. Ever since I turned in my
mission papers, they seem to have taken permanent residence in my head—like
those old cartoons I used to watch, the ones with an angel on one shoulder and
a devil on the other. The church would refer to them as the Holy Ghost and
Satan.
Or, as I like to
call them, Jiminy and Jafar. Growing up, I had a thing for Disney.
Shrugging off
their unwelcome intrusion, I turn my attention back to the task at hand, the
all-too-familiar pang of nervousness welling deep within my gut. My stomach has
been in knots all afternoon.
My family has
been expecting this any day now. As soon as I pulled it out of the mailbox and
saw the distinct logo in the top-left corner, I was tempted to rip into it
right there, near the gutter, needing the torment of where I’d be spending the
next two years of my life to end.
My mother, of
course, had different plans. The moment she realized I’d received it, she
plucked it from my fingers, whisking it away into the kitchen and telling me we
had to wait for my father to get home from work. Then, like the good little
housewife she is, she set about making a scrumptious chicken noodle soup. My
grandmother’s recipe and her mother’s before that. Also, my favorite meal on
the planet.
That brings us
to the reason I’m now sitting on a kitchen stool in the middle of the living
room with three smiling faces shining back at me from the sofa, the normally
delicious smell of the soup now making me nauseous and forcing me to think of
sweaty teenagers.
I’ve been
preparing for this day for as long as I can remember. Since I was just a kid, I
knew my life was leading to this very moment. And, after years of singing songs
in primary and learning lesson after lesson in priesthood meetings, it’s
finally here.
I’m going to be
a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
I’m ready for
this.
I’ve been
groomed for this.
I’m going to
share the truth with the people of wherever this letter sends me.
My fingers
tremble as I tear into the envelope, my family sitting across from me on the
edge of the couch. My mother’s hand flies to her mouth as she watches the stark
white paper slide from its temporary shelter. I know, within a week, it will be
framed and hanging proudly in the hallway, right next to my brother, Taylor’s,
mission call.
“Dear Brother
Barker,” I read aloud, my voice shaky as my heart hammers against my
chest.
My dad leans
forward, wringing his hands in anticipation, while my mother leans her face
into his shoulder as she stifles a sob. To an outsider, it might appear my
parents are nervous, as if the thought of sending their nineteen-year-old son
out into the world with minimal contact for two years were a terrifying idea
they weren’t entirely on board with.
Unfortunately,
that isn’t the case at all. My parents are waiting with bated breath, their
anticipation for me to leave eclipsed only by the joy they feel about me going
in the first place. Not because they don’t love me, but because doing the
Lord’s work is far more important.
“You are hereby
called to serve as a missionary at…” My words trail off, my eyes scanning the
page until the bold words leap out at me. “California Los Angeles Mission.”
I must have said
the words aloud because, within seconds I’m enveloped in my mother’s arms. My
dad moves to join her, his broad arms circling the two of us as he whispers how
happy he is for me. My little sister, Jenny, clears her throat behind me, and my
mother swings her arm wide to pull her into the hug with us.
“I’m so, so
proud of you, Jaden. You’re going to receive so many blessings because of this.
And you’ll bless so many people in return,” my mother says as she squeezes me
tight.
Her arms drop suddenly,
and she pulls away from me, her eyes shining, as she says, “I need to go call
Taylor. He was so sad he couldn’t be here today. Poor little Maddy has another
ear infection, and they didn’t want to ruin your special day with a crying
infant. But he made me promise to call as soon as we knew where you were going.
So, if you’ll excuse me, I have a few phone calls to make.”
She practically
dances out of the room, my dad close on her heels as he reminds her of a few
other people who need to hear the good news.
Left alone with
only my little sister, I glance down at Jenny, her ten-year-old face beaming up
at me.
“I can’t wait
until I’m old enough to go on a mission! Are you excited?” Her squeaky voice
breaks on the last word.
I smile at her,
nodding my head in the most self-assured way I can manage.
This should be
the most exciting day of my life. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for, and
every detail of this day has gone exactly according to plan. My mom’s happy
tears, my dad’s joyous words. Heck, I don’t even have to learn another language
at the training center. It’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of.
So, why does it
feel like I’m living a lie?
A military brat
growing up, A.S. Tucker now resides in Utah with her loving husband. When not
writing, you'll find her reading, binge watching Netflix, or drinking wine. Her
three favorite things are animals, coffee, and Harry Potter, not necessarily in
that order. She is the author of three other novels, published under a
different pen name. She loves hearing from her readers, so please drop her a
line!
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